Ok, so this might need a little explanation. ..

This is my bicycle chariot. It’s affectionately called “The Dirty Valdez” or more commonly known as the “Team Sexxon Chariot”. Every year in Portland there is an event called Minibike Winter (usually in February) during which time all kinds of fun bike events take place:

One of those events is called Chariot Wars. In this event teams of two or more build bicycle pulled chariots to battle with. And by “battle” I mean anything goes, the last one rolling wins.  Weapons are usually padded and no one is out to really hurt each other, but injuries are common and so are broken bikes. If you make it through the whole ordeal without getting pulled off your bike/chariot, and you’re the last one rolling then you win.

My team, Team Sexxon, won two years in a row. The chariot is still rolling, and to this day no one has managed to do more than scratch it. Currently it’s “retired”, but who knows…  Every year is a new opportunity to whoop a little ass.

Oh, and it also means my name is on this here trophy. TWICE.

Steel bones and jaw (with SEXXON carved into the teeth) were hand-forged by me. And that disc at the bottom? Laser-etched tank armor. No big deal…